4:36 AM

mmm..I miss him already. I miss the way his face feels like velvet to my fingers.
his hair was fluffy and tame. i shiver whenever he puts his head against my back, or his hair to my chin or the back of my head.
his hands were cold but had no trace of gloom.
i'll see him someday. someday i can't wait for. and what's worse, i'm scared that we would belong to two different sections.
that would make me break apart. i don't want to break apart. i love him. i love him a lot. though when i see him, i loathe him. he talks about stuff i don't want to hear. stuff that make me cry concealed. i can't even look at him straight in the eye. utterly.
but i hope you know how much i love you. and that i really, really do.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

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3:22 AM

he piggy backed me!
but he tore away easily, i think because he thought i was feeling uncomfty for my chest was pressing against his back.
then when we were playing around, i poked his balls with my pen. hilarious!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

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9:17 PM

i had another dream about him, but the last dream was more intimate.
in this dream, my house was being reconstructed, and so i needed to move all my dolls out.
outside my childhood house was this huge locker space, and i decided to put my dolls there. there were no more vacancies so i asked my friend, let's hide her under the name Mimi, if she could lend me her locker since it was empty. she said that she lent it to HIM first. i asked him if we could share the locker and he agreed.
that midnight, i forgot that i left my bag on the corner street less than a kilometer from my childhood home. since the rain had just stopped, he told me that he would guide me since my eyes aren't so good and i might slip on the fresh rain. he held me from behind, holding my hand, until we got to the corner street.

why is it always that i dream of him holding him from behind?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

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8:45 PM

okay..so i'm anonymously writing this blog. I have my own public blog but here..i find peace in writing stuff i hardly say.---First off..I had a dream last night..Though i'm not sure if it was a dream or just a simple longing or fantasy. I can't remember the whole dream, but as far as i could recall, he was hugging me..from behind, cuddling, touching my face and ruffling my hair as i do the same to him. Even though i can't remember the whole thing, i still do recall the lightness that i felt, the bittersweet pleasure that it meant.according to http://dreemoods.com To dream that you are hugging someone, symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart. Alternatively, it may indicate your need to be more affectionate. To dream that your friend is in love with you, may be one of wish fulfillment. Perhaps you have developed have developed feelings for your best friend and are wondering how he or she feels. You are so preoccupied with these thoughts that it is evitable that it find its way into your dreaming mind. On the other hand, the dream may also suggests that you have accepted certain qualities of your best best friend and incorporated into your own character. To dream that someone is smelling your hair, indicates sexual curiosity and your need for some sensual stimulation. You have a lot to learn about a relationship. The way yours or someone else's hair smell may remind your of a particular person. If you are reaching for someone else's hair, then it suggests that you are trying to connect with that person on a spiritual or intellectual level. It also refers to sympathy, protectiveness, and fraternal love.so i guess... i just need to be loved. He said he likes me.This isn't the first time that somebody told me that.But it still made an impact.He said it in a nice way, but a day after that, he said it in a naughty-boy way. He didn't say it directly, but it was just for fun. I like him. I don't know if I love him, but I like him. I love his touch, his cold hands, his nudges, his head and hair on my upper arm or shoulder. What more if he hugged me. He's warm. He's homey. I think it's the security I feel when I'm with him. I haven't told anybody that i like him yet. I've learned from my past mistakes. I'm telling you, nobody still knows. Even my friends...Nobody does...I need his attention. I know all his flaws, but still, he's ideal.I don't know why, but he's usually not my type or something... I hope, this never ends, or this ends, I don't want to get hurt again...silently. okay.so now i know how it feels to have his arm around me.so toasty. :)

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i'm sorry but

i love you.

i'm sorry but

i love you.